Sunday, November 18, 2007

Out of Sorts

Feeling at this point like it might not matter what I do, how hard I think, it's no use. Wondering where my work ethic has gone and why I inherited so much of my mother and so little of my father. Missing my family, not geographically, but in time, missing being a unit, five people in one, and tackling the world together. Wondering if I will ever have that again, with another group of people, and whether the feeling will even slightly resemble the feeling I didn't know to appreciate when I was a child. Wanting to forget it all and read a book that I can live inside. Wanting to have lovable imperfections rather than these glaring, hurtful ones. Missing the home I waited a lifetime to get away from.

Wanting you to know all of this without me having to tell you.

Wishing I didn't feel like this at all.

Low down and used up.

1 comment:

Tatyana said...

we must watch 'Seven Up' and be reassured again that this is exactly how things are supposed to be. That family knows no time or distances, but it has to grow and develop as it has so far.
Most importantly we must believe that future is so bright we need to were shades as we fight the universal disease of procrastination...