My advice to me and everyone I know and everyone they know:

Go for it!

To My Surprise

I find, again, that I'm surprised, pleased, impressed, humbled, and made more peaceful by the tendency toward goodness that so many people display. I assume the worst. I look for the negative. I imply hate and grudge to those I left years ago, imagining that they have been brooding and stewing, scowling more and more with each passing day, hearts getting a little more heavy, a little more closed. And then a simple phone call, a leap into ?, dispells the darkness that I've thought into existence, and I find out that people have gone on living, without the sole intention of being disappointed in me, and most surprisingly, with fond memories, with pride, happy that I was there, still wishing I was back.

I won't go back. But I see why some would. And I don't hate it back there so much anymore.

Afterhours

one, two, three
If you close the door
the night could last forever
Leave the sunshine out
and say hello to never
All the people are dancing
and they're having such fun
I wish it could happen to me
But if you close the door
I'd never have to see the day again
If you close the door
the night could last forever
Leave the wine-glass out
and drink a toast to never
Oh, someday I know
someone will look into my eyes
And say helloyou're my very special one
But if you close the door
I'd never have to see the day again
Dark party bars, shiny Cadillac cars
and the people on subways and trains
Looking gray in the rain, as they stand disarrayed
oh, but people look well in the dark
And if you close the door
the night could last forever
Leave the sunshine out
and say hello to never
All the people are dancing
and they're having such fun
I wish it could happen to me
Cause if you close the door
I'd never have to see the day again
I'd never have to see the day again, once more
I'd never have to see the day again

Change.

Is sometimes good
Is sometimes bad
Is not to be overly anticipated
Is not to be feared
Most of all
Change just
Is.

Fortunately

Love is always good
And does not have to change.

What a wonderful opportunity...

...to display my most lacking quality: patience!

Back at Brewed

I'm back here at Brewed Awakening where this little blog began. I used to spend a lot more time here last year when I didn't live in Berkeley; this was my home base, with the huge and disproportionate mural on the wall and the locals aspeakin' the Spanish. Ah these couches...

So I think I am officially 98.5% sure that I'm moving to the Mission after school, hoping to bump this up to good old 100% by Saturday. Tatyana said don't do it unless you fall in love with it, and then I went and fell in love with it. I'm ready for true independence (eventually :)), struggling to make it on my own, doing what I need to do to save, volunteering where it really matters, figuring out where I can be useful and going there. Recently I've been feeling the pressure to do everything Right Now, to fulfill all of my ambitions and dreams the second I graduate, all because of this vague fear that was I do in the week following my graduation will inevitably set the course of the rest of my life. But the wise, supportive words of parents, friends, Joes, and even my own brain made me understand that it's ok to take things slow, to take things fast, to try new, scary things, to think things through, to seize opportunities, I can try whatever I want to. Taking risks and trying things out has worked so far, so I think I'll keep doing it. If my choices suck, I can make new, better ones. I actually like not knowing what the future holds! Nice!

Before all of this self-discovery and amelioration, it would be nice to pass my environmental economics final. Better hop to.

Better, Brighter, New

And today, a tribute to the man who, for better or worse, made yesterday's post possible...happy birthday Phil! Just kidding, today the Berkeley chapter of the Garrity fan club celebrates writer, filmmaker, gardener, science nerd, Salinger-enthusiast, Peter-loving JOE in all of his 20-year-old glory.